There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
