I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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