I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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