Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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