rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
