I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
