ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
