its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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