I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
