I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
