She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
