what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
