She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im holly from the hills drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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