New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
