Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
