I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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