Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
