I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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