im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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