Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
