Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
