Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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