Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Swine flu. Run for my life!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
