Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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