And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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