She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
