Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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