I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize