Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
