can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
