Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
