saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize