I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
