Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
