how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
