I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
