I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
