my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
