if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
