i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do vagina's smell?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
