I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
