Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
