i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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