It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
