he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
