Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
