You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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