you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I want a musical about memes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
