It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
