the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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