Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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