I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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