If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
