Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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