maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
