Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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