Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
