Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
