he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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