you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
