party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
