new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize