i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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