The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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