how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
