Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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