Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
