just come out here and I will go home with you...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
