Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
