I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
