I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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