i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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