And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
