I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
