Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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