Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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