Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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