dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
