the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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